


Chef Hisoka, Cutthroat Kitchen

by Queen1272



Category: Cutthroat Kitchen RPF, DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types, Hunter X Hunter, Naruto
Genre: Cutthroat Kitchen AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-08-24 03:10:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8354596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queen1272/pseuds/Queen1272
Summary: I was given two random characters off the dad board, Hisoka and Alton Brown. Upon further questioning, I was given Mink, Silva, Kakashi, and Guy fieri. The dad board: It's a board, where we have pictures of characters we consider dads. There are 3 rules: 1) theyd take care of you, 2) theyd do you taxes, or 3) youd do what they told you to do in bed.





	1. round 1: appetizer

**Author's Note:**

> I was durnk&&  
> based off of food network's cutthroat kitchen  
> was going to be explicit but i didn't want to disprespect my dad alton like that

“Tonight, on Cutthroat Kitchen, we see red.” Alton brown throws a tomato, catching it.

Music plays, and a plaque with kitchen tools, and an _axe_ appear. The axe swings, then stops. The plaque disappears.

The camera, trained on Alton Brown, zooms in. “Well, hello chefs” Alton Brown says, as he is contractually obligated to. “I’m sure you all know the rules, so let me get to the important stuff: the contents of this case.” He sets a chrome briefcase onto his podium, unlatching and opening it. “I have here, of course, $100,000, of cold, hard, American currency.” He swings the briefcase towards the chefs, allowing their eyes to lust after the cash. He continues, “Each of you will be receiving $25,000. At the end of the day, one of you will be victorious, but you will only walk out of here with the money you have remaining. Do you understand?”

The chefs nod in unison. “Yes, chef,” they respond, except for one, who just grunts.

“Alright. Take two bundles of cash each.” Alton carries the briefcase forward, passing out two bundles to each chef. You first, Chef Zoldyck.” Silva Zoldyck, strong and sensual, dressed in a white chef’s coat and his long hair tied back in a ponytail, takes two bundles, silently.

Narration continues on: “Jsem Čech. Vařím a peču zpět v České republice. Jsem majitel restaurace Zoldyck Rodina. Jsem tady, abych vhrál Cutthroat Kitchen a použít peníze zabít mého konkurenci.“

Subtitles appear: “I’m Czech. I cook and bake back in the Czech Republic. I am the owner of the “Zoldyck Family” restaurant. I am here today to win Cutthroat Kitchen and use the money to kill my competition.

“Chef Kakashi, two for you,” Brown continues.

“I am Hatake Kakashi. I’m actually not a chef, but my students decided to sign me up for this competition just to try and see if I could win. I teach a team of ninjas back in my town of Konoha. I guess I can prove that you don’t have to be a cook to win a cooking competition? If I win, I’ll use the money to help the poor in my town.”

“Chef Hisoka,”

“I am Hisoka. Just Hisoka. I am an amateur chef. I use a special, um, seasoning in all of my dishes.” Hisoka winks. “I’m here to prove that you don’t have to be a professional to win. I will use this money to get married to my boyfriend, Chrollo. But we have a very _open_ relationship.” He lifts his eyebrows, suggestively.

“And Chef Mink,”

Chef Mink just grunts. What does he say? We just don’t know.

“Enjoy that money while you have it.” Alton says. “Keep in mind that most of it will be returning to this case,” he slams the case shut. “And you’ll be going home empty handed. Sorry. _Not really_.” He steps towards the pantry behind him.

“For round one, I’m going to have you all make bruschetta. I’m sure you all have had bruschetta before, so I’m going to give you thirty minutes to make it, and I am going to give you sixty seconds to shop for it. Go.” He opens the clear doors and the chefs run for the ingrediants inside. They start shoving ingredients into their provided baskets. Except for Hisoka, who just shoves everything into his shitty pants.

“I need tomatoes, garlic, EVOO, baslasmic vinegar, a baguette,” Cheff Kakashi says. He knows what he’s about. “I’m going to take a traditional approach to this so I have a better chance of making it to the next round.”

Chef Silva is just pushing his way around. He says nothing, throwing potato chips, vodka, potatoes, pancetta, and seasame oil into his basket. He leaves the pantry with thirty seconds to spare.

Hisoka shoves a can of tomato paste, a bag of tortillas, and a thing of onions into his pants and leaves. Kakashi is the only one taking this thing seriously. Hisoka is trash.

Chef Mink? He never left his workstation. He just stood there, unwaveringly.

As Kakashi makes his way back to his workstation, Alton calls out “3…..2……1……” and closes the pantry doors.

Kakashi curses: “I can’t believe I forgot the eggs,”

Alton continues: “Let’s see what we have for sale. First up:” he knocks on the dumbwaiter, which lifts the next level up. A single tomato rests on it. “What is this?” Alton asks. “A tomato” he answers. “BOBs, bring out the tomato!” The BOBs march out the back, carrying a giant red ball. “If you win this auction, one chef will have to wear this giant tomato for the entire round. Who is going to give me $500 for this tomato?”

Kakakshi thinks “I can’t have this thrown at me the first round. I’m going to bid whatever it takes. I want to help Kurenai, she is a single mother. I can’t let her go without money.”

Kakashi wagers $5,000.

The other chefs don’t fucking care.

“5,000 once…5,000 twice….sold to chef Kakashi for $5,000.” Alton calls. As Kakashi walks up to the BOBs, Alton takes money from Kakashi’s bundle of cash and says “Decide carefully who to give this sabotage to.”

Kakashi lifts his forehead protector, showing his Sharingan towards his oponents. For some reason, Mink had the most chakra, so Kakashi was most worrited about him. “I give this sabotage to Chef Mink.”

Chef Mink just grunts.

Alton says “Chefs, if anyone wants any revenge on Chef Kakashi, here it comes.” He knocks on the dumbwaiter again. Again, a sole tomato appears. “In this sabotage, a chef will have to prep his entire dish while standing in a tumb of tomatoes.” The BOBs roll out this wide, knee high dish of tomatoes. “Who will be the highest bidder?”

Before anyone could even think, Silva raises his hand. “How much are you bidding?” Alton asks.

“Yo” Silva responds.

“How much is that” Alton questions.

“Yo” Silva responds.

“Ok…$25,000 oncce…. $25,000 twice….sold to Chef Silva for $25,000.” Silva stalks up to the podium, kicking the dish of tomatoes towards his own station.

“You are supposed ot give that to one of the other chefs” Alton says, “not yourself.”

Silva doesn’t seem to udnersand, standing in the tomatoes aat his own section. “Ok then. Let us just conitinue” Alton continues. He knocks again on a dumbwaiter. Two tomatoes appear this time. “If you win this auction, you have to keep a tomato in each hand at all times.”

Kakashi again worries, but not quite as much.  He is a capable ninja. “$500”, he lifts  his hand. “$500 going once…twice…sold!” Kakashi strolls up, grabs both tomatoes, and takes them to chef Mink. Kakashi wants to eliminate him from the competition.

“Ok. Thirty minutes. Bruschetta. Go.” Alton calls.

The Chefs start unloading their ingredients. Mink puts on his fucking huge tomato bodysuit. Silva is already _in_ the tomatoes.

Kakashi runs to the back of the kitchen. “No sabotages, great!” He thinks. He grabs a 4-quart pot, runs to the sink, fills it up with water, and put it on the stove to boil. Back at his station, he cuts a cross at the tips of each tomato. Once the water is boiling, he remove sthe pot from the stove and throws the tomatoes in. He runs to get a colander. After a minute, he pours the water (and tomatoes) through the colander to remove the blanched tomatoes. He starts peeling the hot tomatoes by hand. He knows no pain.

Meanwhile, Hisoka digs through his pants to find a can opener. He knows he has one somewhere. After a good thirty seconds of just rummaging around, he finds it. He removes both it, and the can of tomato paste. He opens the can of tomato paste, lifting the lid and liking it, cutting his tongue. “Delicious” he says. He, too, grabs a pot, fills it with water, and puts it on to boil. Once boiling, he puts the opened can of tomato paste in and waits.

Chef Silva, standing in tomatoes, looks like his is having fun. Chef Silva opens his vodka, downing all but a table spoon. What a fucking trooper. He shuffles over to grab a saucepan, puts it on high heat, pours the whole thing of sesame oil in it, and leaves. Back at his station, he finely slices the potatoes his grabbed. At least he can do that. Once his oil is hot, he goes back and throws the thin potato slices in. once fried, he lifts out the potatoes with a slotted spoon, putting them onto a paper towel to drain.

“15 minute left,’ Alton calls.

“Crap!” Kakashi thinks. He turns on his grill to medium-high heat. Waiting for it to heat up, he minces a few cloves of garlic. In a mixing bowl, he combines the garlic, EVOO, basil, balsamic vinegar, along with fresh-cracked salt and pepper. He finely chops some basil, stirring it into the tomato mixture. He cuts slices of his baguette, throwing them on the now-hot grill, while running to grab plates.

Time isn’t real.

Hisoka reaches into his pot of water, removing his can of tomato paste, dropping it like it’s hot. Coming back up, with burns on his fingers, he licks the burns. He is a masochist. He likes the pain. He chops the onions, pretty well actually, and throws a few tortillas into the deep fryer. He grabs plates, plating the tortillas as he passes back. He smears a thick layer of tomato paste on top, then the onions. He takes both plates behind a wall. “”What is chef Hisoka doing?” Alton wonders.

Chef silva empties his bag of potato chips onto his cutting board. Retriving a meat mallet, he fucking rips into these poatoe chips until they are crumbs. He is mad. He grabs plates, plating his fried potatoes, the remaining vodka sprinkled on top, topped by the potato chip crumbples.

Chef Kakashi plates his perfectly grilled baguette, topped with the tomato-basil mixture. He is racing to finish.

Hisoka comes back, with both plates topped with a mysterious white liquid, as Alton calls the last few seconds.

“Hands off the dishes!” alton calls.

The chefs back away, hands lifted up, except for Mink, who hasn’t moved. He’s eaten an entire tomato (the one from his right hand) and is enjoying the tomato costume.

Guy Fierei walks down the dstaris at the front of the kitchn “What’s up, Alton” he calls.

“These cehfs made yo some bruschetta to try.”

Fieri retalitates: “Bruschetta? I invented bruschetta”

Alton faces the chefs:”Chef Fieri has been hidden in a soundproof room and doesn’t care what sabotages you have gone through this round. All he cares about is…” he glances over to Fieri.

“#1, if it tastes like bruschetta. #2, does it look like bruschetta. And #3, does it remind me of bruschetta.” Fieri completes,

“First up, Chef Mink.” Alton complements. “Chef Mink, what do you have for us.”

Mink just grunts. There are no plates. No food. How is he here, on the food network. No.

Fieri somehow understands the grunts. “Imagination. I get it.” He pretends to eat a slice of bruschetta. “Well, the baguette is crunchy on the outside, but soft on the inside. The basil complements the tomatoes, which are perfectly salted. You put the perfect amount of balsamic on it. I have no complaints.” The other chefs are worried.. How will they top this?

“Chef Kakashi, you’re next.”

“Chef Fieri, I have for you a toasted baguette topped with a tomato and basil sauce and  balsamic vinegar drizzle.”

Fieri takes a bite. He chews. He swallows. “Well, Chef Kakshi. I can tell you your bread is burnt. Otherwise, you could have used a little salt. Overall, good job.”

“Chef Silva,”

“Jíte.” (Subtitles: “eat.”)

And so Fieri eats. “Poatoes..topped with vodka…topped with potatoes…. How is this bruschetta?” he asks.

“Bruschetta?” Chef Silva asks. “I thought you said brambory s bramborami”. How the fuck did he get htat from bruschetta.

“Ok…then….” Fieri says.

“Chef Hisoka.” Alton finisihes.

“Chef Fieri, I have for you the most delicious bruschetta topped with my special sauce,’ he winks.

“Special sauce? What’s in it?” fieri asks.

“Don’t worry about it,” hisoka replies.

Fieri tastes the tortilla topped with tomato paste topped with *special sauce*. “Well, whatever this special sauce is, it is fantastic. I was worried about the tortilla being soggy, but this sauce really brings everything together.”

“I told  you” hioska says, staring righ tat alton.. Alton is worried, but most of all turned on. He guess what the special sauce is.. he isn’t wrong.

“well chefs, I know which one of you are going home. Three of you gave me bruschetta, one of you fell short. The chef that is chopped is…”

The plaque falls in again, signaling a commercial break.


	2. Round 2: Entree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Entree chapter for cutthroat kitchen (from food network) im so soryr im dr

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's late! I've seen too much gaddamn cutthroat kithen an d i didnkt get drunk for a while

The plaque falls back in, signaling the end of the commercial break.

 

“....Chef Silva.” Alton finishes.

 

 **“** Chef Silva, while your dish was fine, it Justin's too salty and didn't remind me of bruschetta.” Fieri critiques.

 

“I'm sorry Chef Silva, but I'm going to need your cash back in my case.” Alton says.

 

Chef Silva stomps up to the podium, returns his cash, pulls a fucking chef’s knife out of his chef’s coat and stabs the podium next to the case. “Fuj.” He shouts, stomping off again. As the camera tries to catch him as he walks past, he shoves his hand across the lens.

 

“Well...then…” Alton continues, slightly nervous. Chef Hisoka lips his lips. He can smell fear. “For this second round, you chefs will have to make me a nice steak dinner. Easy, right? Have fun cooking it in 30 minutes and shopping for it in 60 seconds!” He walks over to the glass pantry door and pulls it open.

 

The chefs fucking book it.

 

“whew, I made it!” Chef Kakashi thinks. “I can't call myself safe yet, I have to focus on this dish. I need to grab steak, of course, along with rosemary, butter, broccoli, garlic….” He trails off, shoving everything into his basket. He makes his way over to the steaks, lifting his headband again. He chooses a filet mignon with some nice marbleing. Not sure why he needed his sharingan but I'm not going to question genius.

 

Chef Mink, who actually moved this time, takes a single t-bone and leaves.

 

Chef Hisoka, forever shoving things down his pants, shoves a New York Strip and some beef broth down _there_. You would think this is against health code but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯.

 

Alton, as the chefs are shopping, reaches into his coat pocket. He takes a stainless steel flask out, engraved with “KISS THE COOK” and takes a nice long swig. He doesn't get paid enough for this. Chef Hisoka, walking out of the pantry at the exact moment Alton lifts his flask, stops in his tracks and locks eyes with him. Once Alton finishes, Hisoka smiles and walks back to his station. Turning back to the pantry door, he sees no one left in the pantry and shuts the door. “And zero!” Alton calls. He walks back to his podium

“For your first sabotage,” he knocks on the dumpwaiter. A drink appears, red in a clear glass. “If you buy this challenge, you can force one chef to make me a bloody mary. Using these!” the BOBs roll out a kiddie pool full of tomatoes. “Oh, did I forget to mention? You can’t use your hands to make it! Who bids $500?”

Kakashi, trying to save money after he spent so much last round, stays silent. He can handle this, maybe not happily, but he can handle it. “Anyone?” Alton calls.

Hisoka slowly raises a hand, I guess. “$500 going once…twice….sold to chef Hisoka!” Hisoka, without saying a word, points his hand toward chef Kakashi. Alton knocks on the dumbwaiter again. A tomato again appears. Déjà vu? “In this sabotage, you can force an opponent to forfeit all of their ingredients and retrieve new ones from inside these tomatoes!” A single BOB walks across the stage, carrying a large bowl of tomatoes. 

Now, Kakashi is a smart man. But he’s not a gambler. He preffers to play it safe. He looked at his basket, and his opponents, and noticed that if anyone was going to get this sabotage, it would be him. He will risk it all. But not quite it _all_. He has to save some money for if he makes it to the dessert round. “$10,000” he bids. The other chefs don’t even blink. Alton gives it to him uncontested. Kakashi, wanted to get Chef Mink out of the competition, gives the sabotage to him. Mink just grunts. He wanted to eat that  meat. Raw.

“OK chefs. Steak dinner. 30 minutes. Go.” Alton says. The chefs empty their baskets. Kakashi and Mink walk to their respective tomatoes. Mink starts ripping into these tomatoes like he gives no fucks, because he doesn’t. He’s like a heroin addict looking for his stash. Little plastic bags come out, no, no filled with drugs, but with ingredients. Basil, garlic, carrots, spinach, broccoli…he just keeps smashing these damn tomatoes. Eventually he gets to a small bag of steak. He takes the steak and only the steak and leaves.

Kakashi, on the other hand. Spends a minute thinking. He can’t use his hands as per the sabotage rules, he’s not flexible enough to use his feet, and he can’t just pull down his mask and use his mouth because that’s just _wrong_ (even tho he is beautiful). Instead, he writes a sigil on the floor and completes a summoning jutsu. A group of dogs appear. Kakashi ask sthem to help him, and they start grabbing tomatoes and squishing them into th eglass. The smallest dog, wearing a konoha headband anda jacket, pours a small glass of sake into the glass. “Done!” Alton calls. He’s impressed.

Kakashi runs back to the back of the kitchen, grabs a cast iron pan, and puts in on medium-high heat on the stove. He goes back to his station, pushing the flat part of his knife against cloves of garlic, crushing them, then peeling and finely mincing them. He rubs his steak with salt, pepper, fresh rosemary, and garlic. He lets it rest. He then takes broccoli back to the sink and starts rinsing it.

Chef mink, having finally gotten his raw steak out of the Ziploc bag, starts gnawing at it. I don’t know why. Why is he here. Why.

Chef Hisoka reaches around _down there_ again, coming back up with a steak, the beef broth, and some potatoes. Don’t ask me where those came from. I don’t want to know. (If I had to guess, they were straight up his ass.) Hisoka cuts up his potatoes into chunks, puts them on a pan, and sprinkles them with oil, salt, and pepper. He sticks them in the oven and sets it to 350 degrees F. He’s actually trying this time, to impress Alton. HE also takes a cast iron pan and sticks it on the stove and lets it heat up. He throws a shit ton of salt on it, JUST salt, lets that heat up as well, and throws the steak on. It smokes a little but _doesn’t_ set off the fire alarms.

“15 minutes left, chefs!” Alton calls.

Kakashi runs back to to his steak, grabs it, and throws it on his pan. It sizzles nicely. He starts sautéing it with butter and salt.

Chef Mink is still tearing away at that meat.

Hisoka turns his meat over and it sizzles again.

“5 minutes left, chefs!”

Kakashi flips his meat. He runs, grabs a food processor, and processes together his leftover butter, rosemary, and a little garlic, along with some salt, in order to create a rosemary butter. He runs and grabs plates.

Hisoka turns his meat on its sides. Once it is seared all over, he lets it set on his cutting board. He get plates, dragging them behind him with his bungee gum. He opens his oven and removes the potatoes, which are nicely golden.

Mink gets some plates, even though he has nothing to plate.

Hisoka fucking thinks “I FORGOT THE GRAVY”…So he fucking microwaves some beef broth. He, again, goes behind a wall. We a l l know what he is doing behind there. jAlton stares intently, trying to pierce the wal with his gaze. He comes back out to get a whisk, wisks the bowl, a now-thickened sauce in the bowl. The broth is no longer translucent but cloudy. You know what it is.

Alton, remembering where he is, starts counting down from 60 seconds.

“50”

Kakashi plates his meat.

“40”

Hisoka slices his meat, against the grain, and plates it.

“30”

Mink grates some salt onto his plate.

“20”

Kakashi plates his meat, broccoli, and smears rosemary butter along the steak.

“10”

Hisoka plates his potatoes and drizzles gravy over. Mink is still grating salt.

“And….0. Hands off, cehfs!” Alton calls.

The chefs, hands lifted up, walk away. Mink just stand teheres.

First name: Guy, middle name: Fucking, Last name: Fieri walks down the stairs.

“Back again, chef Fieri.” Have you ever noticed how close is Fieri is to Fire? Is that why flames are on his clothes???? Holy fuck I am having an existanetial frisis right now pelase help me. MICHELLE JUST GOD DAMN BURPED A 10 I HAVE SEEN GOD. “These chefs have made for you a steak dinner.” Alton continues.

I want someone to have a Bob Ross voice.

“Yum. I love me a goooood steak dinner. Steak, butter, the fixin’s,” Fieri says, with a shitty southern accent. Where is he from? Apparently fucking Ohio. Everyone is from fucking buttfuck Ohio.

“First up, Chef Mink.”

Mink again just fucking grunts. I wish I spoke Englsih.

Chef Fieeri again understands I don’t know how but he does. Hee takes a fucking spoon ful of salt and eats it. Fieri, with a poker face, says “The steak was good. Perfectly cooked. No side dish for a steak dinner was a bold choice. Also the steak was way too salty.” I wonder why.

“Next, Chef KJskashi “

“For you, Chef Kiseri,, I have a perfectly cooked steak dinner with rosemary butterand a side of broccoli”Kakshi explains.

Fiery eats everything. He says”Everything was perfect, Chef Kakashi. MY only complaint is that there was a rosemary stem in the rosemary butter. But otherwise, the rosemary butter was  anice addition o the dish.”

“And finally, Chef Hisok”

“For you, C he f, I have a steak, with a side of roasted potatoes with a   _special_ gravy.”

Fieri tastes t. It is a goddamn religious experience for him. “Oh my. This is delicious. I don’t know what is in this gravy but it is exquisite. I have no complaints.” I LOVE SNAKES THEYRE SO GOOD

 PLEASE WATCHI THIS <http://imgur.com/gallery/MrUcW>

Fieri States “Chefs, one of you is going home. Two of you gave me a good-ass steak dinner, and one of you fell short. The Chef that is going home is….”

The plaque again falls.


	3. round 3: dessert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long i didnt really drink for a while and just wanted to get his done finally so here it is my dudes

The plaque enters again, the commercial break finished.

“…Chef Mink,” Fieri continues, “Your dish did not remind me of a steak dinner. A steak dinner consists of steak and side dishes, of which you had none, and your steak was too salty to even be considered a steak.”

Chef Mink grunts again, why is he like this? but takes his remaining $25,000 and throws it at alton, missing terribly. The money just kind of slides against the floor until it reaches a stop midway between the podium and the chef’s tables. He walks out, down the hallway, and out the door without blinking or saying a word.

“For the last round, you will start cooking immediately and I will auction off challenges during the round. You chefs will be making an ice cream sundae. You all were kids once, I’m sure, so I’ll let you make it in 30 minutes and shop for it in 60 seconds.” Alton opens the pantry doors, allowing both chefs to rush inside.

Chef Hisoka, who wasn’t born, but rather appeared fully grown, shoves everything within reach into his pants. That includes butter, eggs, sugar, chocolate chips, and gelatin. He shoves it in and he leaves. Chf Kakashi, meanwhile, grabs eggs, heavy cream, whole milk, sugar, pistachios, and almond extract. They both leave the panty and Alton Brown, my father, shuts the doors. Both immediately unload their ingredients and start cooking. Chef Kakashi grabs the food processor, and Hisoka, a pot. Chef Hisoka immediately goes behind a wall, and a minute later, wlks out with the pot unrealistically full of white liquid.

“Ok, Chefs, for your first challenge,” Alton knocks on the dumbwaiter, revealing a pint of milk. “Whoever wins this auction will win the right to strip your opponent of all their milk. Who will take this auction for $500?” Chef Kakashi raises his hand. Then Chef Hisoka. Chef Kakashi. Chef Hisoka. Chef Hisoka will not be beat. To the camera, Chef Hisoka says that he just wants to drive the price up so Chef Kakashi won’t have that much money to continue on in the competition. Finally, Chef Hisoka gives up and Chef Kakashi takes the auction with a wager of $5,500. He places the food processor on his table and gives Alton his bundle of cash. Alton continues, “Chef Hisoka, please turn over all your milk products.”

Hisoka winks “I don’t have any _milk_ products.”

Alton brown is no longer surprised at what he belives to be in the pot of his. The camera, instead, not knowing what Alton knows, zooms in on the pot. Subtitles appear: WHAT IS THAT. We continue anyway because Hisoka is a fuckign sinner who should go to church.

Chef Kakashi grinds half of his pistachios in the food processor, along with a fistful of sugar, into a fine meal. He dumps this mixture into a pot, which he fills with milk. He waits for it to boil. Meanwhile, Chef Hisoka adds sugar and salt to _the_ pot and puts it on to boil. Once it boils and the sugar is dissolved, he removes the pot from heat. In a separate bowl, he separates the eggs, leaving the yolks and throwing out the whites. Whisking those, he adds some of the mixture to the egg yolks and then adds that mixture back into the rest of the hot liquid. He returns that pot to low heat, stirring continuously. Meanwhile, Chef Kakashi removes his mixture from heat and stirred in almond extract. Kakashi, too, separated and whisked his egg yolks, again whisking some of the hot milk mixture into the eggs and mixing that mixture back into the rest of the hot milk. Returning that to heat, he also mixed constantly. It Is a race to see who would be able to use the single ice cream machine. “OK, chefs, here is your second challenge. Win this auction and your opponnentn will have to use this kick-the-ball ice cream maker to make their ice cream!” Alton screams out in the middle of their concentration.

“FUCK IT DADDY TAKE MY MONEY” hisoka says since alton broke his concentration . he got them crazy eyes, you know the ones.

“..How…much…do you…mean?”

“A l l  o f  I t”

Alton, flustered, came up and took the bundles of cash from hisoka’s station. “Chef Kakashi, you have to use this ball to make your ice cream sundae. Also, chefs, 15 minutes left.“

Chef Kakashi is annoyed, but not out of the game yet. He can deal. He still has hope in the antigriddle. Chef Hisoka’s mixture is thi ck enough, so he runs to the ice cream maker he has the sole privledge of using and pour s his mixture in. He turns the machine on. His mixture also thick enough, so he runs back to his station, roughly chops the rest of his pistachios, and brings those pistachios back to his mixture, mixing them in. He takes the mixture off of heat and pours it into the center of the ball, filling the outer, separate compartment with salt and ice. Using his ninja speed, he kicks the ball back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.

“5 minutes left, chefs,” Alton calls.

Chef Hisoka, at the same time, melts butter and chocolate chips together in a saucepan. Once melted, he goes behind a wall _again_ an d comes back, whisks the mixture together, and places the saucepan on his station. He get s bowl, returns to ice cream maker, and fills the bowl with his now-frozen soft serve. Returning to his station, he plates some ice cream in a small bowl.

Chef Kakashi, still kicking his ball around, kicks it over to the plate station. He grabs a bowl and kicks the ball back to his station. Picking the ball up and opening it, his ice cream is finally frozen. He plates ice cream into his bowl.

“1 minute left!,” Alton signals.

Chef Kakashi quickly whips his cream (not a metaphor) and tops his ice cream with it. Chef Hisoka tops his ice cream with the chocolate mixture, which freezes on contact with the cold ice cream in a shell-like state.

“TIME” alton screams ready to be done.

Both chefs step away from their dishes. Chef Fieri walks down the stairs like the angel that he is. “For you, chef Fieri, these chefs made an ice cream sundae.” Alton tells him.

“Great! Reminds me of my non-existant childhood.” Fieri says. “I was raised on the moon.”

“Chef Kakashi, your dish,” Alton introduces.

“Chef Firey, for you, I have a pistachio ice cream sundae topped with whipped cream.”

Chef Fieri early takes a bite. “Wow. This is an amazing ice cream sundae, Chef Kakashi. I have no compaints about your dish.”

“Chef Hisoka, you’re next<” alton interludes.

Chef Hisoka introduces: “ I have for you a _special_ ice cream sudae topped with a _speical_ chocolate shell.”

Chef Fiere digs fucking in. “Oh wow. Oh wow. Chef Hisoka, this dish is so marvelous, so moist, so delicious. It has such a delicate and unique flavor, one I”ve never quite tasted before…I would csell this in my restaurants. Can I hire you?”

“nope” hisoka winks back.

“Well, chef fieri, one cehf here will win and the other will lose. Which dish reminded you of an ice cream sundae the best?” Alton coninutes with his paid programming.

“Chefs, both of you gave me great dishes, but on eof them edged just ahead with its flavor. The winner is…..”

The chefs bite their tongues.

“…..Chef Hisoka.”

Chef Kakashi clenches his fists in rage. He just wanted to help his village. “Oh well” he thinks. “I tried my best.”

Chef Hisoka, instead, just licks his lips suggestively . Even though he won no money, he found himself a new plaything.. One to continute ot pursue.

 

 

 

In the aftershow, Hisoka says that while he is disappointed he didn’t win money for him and his boyfriend to get married, he could steal that at any time. His true objective was to pursue Alton Brown.

The plaque falls again. The show, is over, finally.


End file.
